Bruce Eyster

Butterfly Kisses

admin — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 02:42:47 +0000

As another new summer approaches ; I look back over the past few decades and during these reminiscences : I came across this old photograph of me from the 1950’s . It is from a summer , when I was sent off to Illinois to visit my country , Grandmother , for awhile .
She was a real storybook , sort of Grandma ; she kept chickens , an old dalmation , hunting dog , and she had a little garden , too .
I can remember climbing up in her lap and snuggling into her soft arms ; her scent always had
the fresh , clean , smell that was a combination of laundry that was sun dried and a little , like home made bread , fresh from the oven .
My Grandfather ( her husband ) was a coal miner and looked like the profile of the guy on the Indian head , nickel . He had a great sense of humor and his only bad habit was , maybe : chewing tobacco .
He didn’t think it was sanitary to have a toilet in the house , so I’d have to use the old wooden , two seater , out back . I was always a little afraid of that , because of wasps and bugs in general , that I felt I was exposing myself to . LOL !
For years the kitchen stove was a cast iron model , from which my Grandma produced the best tasting assortment of fresh meals that would cover the wooden table in the center of the room , three times a day .

I had cousins , in that small town , too and we’d spend the days exploring the fields , bluffs and woods , going fishing and swimming , gathering wild strawberries , catching grasshoppers or lightning bugs . We’d take bicycles and head off down old , dirt roads doing all the Tom Sawyer / Huckleberry Finn things , except for building a raft .
If , I had to make a telephone call , I’d have to pull a box up to the wall mounted phone , stand on it and then crank a little handle on the side of that odd , little telephone and I’d get the operator ( she knew everyone by their first name ) and after a few pleasant words, she would connect you with whoever it was , you wanted to speak to . The talking was done by holding a black cone shaped instrument to your ear , while speaking into another , similar shaped one that was the mouth piece , which I could swivel to a lower position , so the person at the other end could hear me !
Nights were spent playing cards , popping corn and my favorite : telling real life , stories that were accounts of and by the other members of the family . If you were lucky , there’d be a few real , life : supernatural accounts thrown in , as well .
There was an actual Main St. with a general store that sold everything from seeds to cotton , clothing and a movie theater that would show movies that I’d already seen on television but it was run by two sisters that would provide lemonade and small bags of pop corn made right there , by hand .
The evenings were always more dark than in the city , where I came from . So , I could see all the stars , when the sun went down and all you’d hear were the rather , quiet sounds of the crickets and an occasional train .
I know this sounds like a Truman Capote , short story and in a way , it kind of is . In fact , I was constantly meeting people , who were , in some way ; distantly , related to me . ” Oh, Hi , Bruce ; I’m your aunts’ , sisters’, cousin on the other side of the family ” etc.
I’d always smile and act like I understood , perfectly but I could never really , figure out how we were connected and treat them like somebody I’d known and loved all my life .
There was one person , of course , that I was steered clear of . He was simply called Choo , Choo
because he was constantly saying that , as he ran up and down the roads and railroad tracks . Years later , he was actually run over by one of those trains and I was told they discovered a thousand dollar bill , safety pinned to the inside of one of his upper , pockets of the bibbed overalls he always wore . Poor , old Choo Choo !
Then , there was a dear friend of my Grandma’s : Miss Warren . She lived a few streets away and although she’d lived in Illinois ,most of her life , she managed to retain a slight , Scottish accent which made the most mundane statements , sound like the most profound words , I’d ever heard . She really did know about witches and weird stuff , too . So , I was always seeking her out and bothering her with little requests that I’d hope would open that secret , treasure trove of those “old wives tales .” I once came across a book called the 6th and 7th Books of Moses . It was supposedly taken out of the other writings because of the powerful , secrets it revealed . It was just a lot of odd seals , signs and diagrams with strange and partial instructions of what and how to perform the impossible and improbable but the book exists and I got my hands on it and that was proof enough for me ! When Miss Warren saw it she said : ” Owwwww , Thit’s a tarrible , baaaaad Bouk ! There was ain olled wumen thet used ta lev hier , an’ shie wod pute thet bouke under her melk churn ain git aul the crrrrream , frum ev’ry buddie else’s churnin’s !”
If dialects aren’t for you , she’d say :
“Oh , that’s a terrible , bad book . There was an old woman that used to live here and she would put that book under her milk churn and get all the cream from everybody else’s churning ! ”
Well , much to everyone else’s dismay , I got her to tell me all about this old woman , who was really a witch ! It was proved by putting a certain kind of tree limb under the steps of a house the old woman was visiting and when she tried to leave , she couldn’t ! It was said the old lady got pretty , frantic. She was literally running in circles and despairing , in a way that was obviously delirious , till the tree limbs were removed , from under the steps and then she ran out the door and was never seen again !
My mothers’ side of the family did know a lot about plants and animals and the various remedies and interesting things associated with them , it seemed to me they just had an affinity for that . For Instance ; my Grandfather , just knew where all the morrels grew . You’d go to the woods with him and he’d say : You see that tree , down there ? ” And you’d say : ” Which tree ? ” He’d finally take you on a walk to some tree in the distance and say: ” The morrels are right there ! ” ……… ” Where ? ” you’d ask , till finally , he’d push the leaves and stuff aside and there would be those little , spongey , mushroom , things . It was like he had an extraordinary sense , of those kinds of things . He’d always return home with the biggest fish but he’d never disclose his fishing spot to anyone , not even his own sons . Once , he brought home a little , baby , squirrel in his shirt pocket . It had fallen out of a tree and he brought it home , named it Rudy and raised it , till my Grandma made him return it to the woods . She was afraid that she might , inadvertently , step on Rudy . Now , she could wring a chickens neck and clean just about any kind of animal my Grandpa brought home but Rudy had become a bit too domesticated , you see , and she only made him return Rudy out of kindness .
Well , so much for summers ago ; memories and butterfly kisses ………………..

KNOCK , KNOCK

admin — Wed, 20 May 2009 04:51:49 +0000

Orange you glad I didn’t say Banana ?

I’m such a potato head , sometimes . Every day I wake with the best of intentions to add a little something to
this blog and website . Then I go to the computer answer and delete all the e-mails and before I know it it’s dawn !
A few things have happened since I was here last . I met a cool photographer , via the net and offered him my couch as a place to crash , when he was in town and the next thing I knew ; he was at my door !

Here’s a shot of my recent house guest and friend . He’s currently a resident of Berlin but he’s a fairly , well traveled guy and speaks many more languages , than me or most of my other friends . Here’s a shot of him on a late night bus ride , through the wilds of Crooklyn to visit a friend and fellow artist .
We had a great , few , creative days and now he’s off on a voracious , visual , tour of these ; our United States . It’s always fun to get to see things from a fresh but shared perspective on all the things we see everyday but just sort of take for granite , isn’t it ? Well check out Gero’s photos at :

http://www.flickr.com/photos/10768065@N02/

It might even inspire you to take out a free account and add some of your images . FLICKR is a cool site with lots of creative people , interacting and sharing all kinds of visuals .
O.K. , it’s not dawn yet so I’m gonna sign off . Thanks for your time and attention .

To Whom It May Concern

admin — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 07:34:02 +0000

Here’s the sketch for Aurin Squires’ brilliantly , written play : ” To Whom It May Concern .”
Directed , cast and produced by David Gaard . I was at Davids’ side , as his assistant and set designer from the day he decided to give life to this amazing little gem .
We held readings and chose the cast at a wonderful , little place on W.48th St.
Then we found The Arclight Theater on W.71st St. , which proved to be to have the perfect theater for this production .
David chose Pamela Gittlitz as a his stage manager , Erich Loetterle ; as technical director , Michele Riesch ; as costume designer , Me as his personal assistant , set and graphic designer .
We saw an amazing amount of talented actors and finally chose Israel Gutierrez as Lorenzo the lead . Nicholas Reilly ; as the understudy . A.J. Castano as ; Maurice ; the soldier stationed in Kabul and Carmelo Ferro , as his understudy .
All of these people are very talented and professional and I was flattered to be working with them .
After a few weeks of rehearsals , tweaks here and there , we got into the theater and began to create a space , in which , the young boy ( Lorenzo ) lives , in Kansas .
The soldiers’ tent in Kabul was a few military props and a tan curtain that could be hidden away , easily , because most of the play takes place in Lorenzos’ room .
With lots of paint , muslin , 2×4s and a minimal amount of furnishings we were able to create the right “feel” for this touching piece . Here are a few photos taken right before the preview .

The walls are all hand painted or “sponged ” to look like an old floral print , wall paper and each item and prop were selected to give the feel of a small town boys’ room who
is very intelligent but still in search of his identity . He finds a role model in a newspaper article , who happens to be a young man stationed in Kabul . He writes the soldier a fan letter and sends him some home made cookies . Through a series of misunderstandings , this brings about a funny and touching friendship between two lonely out casts .
The cast and crew are stellar and I recommend you bring a handkerchief with you . You’ll need it to wipe away the tears of laughter and some very tender , tear jerking moments . It’s a very moving little production and I think it’s just the start of this little stories life span .

Morning Coffee

admin — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 07:42:07 +0000

Good morning !
It must be morning …….the phone is ringing . I fumble towards the Cafe’ Caribe , half and half and a half dozen cigarettes . After another cup and a few more fags , I am focused enough , to meet the first , round of needs of my room mate and cat; Bijoux .
Then it’s time to go within , inside and touch base with that place where I am I . This is the most refreshing part of my day and it allows me to stay tuned in , when things around me start getting out of control .
I check the calendar , hmmmmm , oh it’s Saturday ! I can avoid or do as much as I want , today . Better have some more coffee and cigarettes . I run through a check list , mentally and then discard all the extras , I can spend the whole day without ever having to leave the apartment , today . I finish some small design details for the new play coming up but I won’t have to start doing the actual set till Monday . I unearth a much neglected canvas , while I can still use the avaikable daylight . To my amazement , I finish this piece . It’s really a study of fleshy tones against a green back round but it involves three figures , none of which are showing a full face . These were the challanges of this particular project . Now to try and photograph iy , in order to post it , on this site .
I take time out for a late breakfast of eggs , oat nut toast , bacon , sausage , more coffee and cigarettes .
Wash up the dishes then a quick shower .
I am happy with the finished paiting buy not that happy with the photograph , oh , well , it’s good enough to post and will give anyone , who happens upon this site an idea of whatI’m doing .
It’s amazing how technology has made the world a smaller , more expensive and complex
place . As soon , as I start to understand a new format , a newer format comes along and I’m learning how to rewire and understand how to make it work !
I still haven’t , even , installed the analog to digital box on my old T.V. yet ! Does anyone remember a book called FUTURE SHOCK ? Well, don’t bother ,,,,,,,,,,,,, we’re in it .
Bijoux has had her second round of fresh water wet and dry food and I’ve been on the old Mac , most of the day . So………………. it’s almost time to go back inside before falling asleep . So, till later - be gentle with yourself .

Evolution

admin — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 18:43:47 +0000

O.K. , it was a long day , after running around the city and doing way too many things , in less than favorable weather conditions ; I was harried and sitting on the subway , checking out a little digital camera when I noticed myself and this poster !
In the last few decades , I’ve often glanced in a mirror and said to myself : ” You Are A Funny , Old Monkey ,” filed it away and then proceeded to think of myself , as the person I had been some , twenty odd years ago . LOL !
Well , I keep this image around , now , to remind myself that I am , in fact , a sixty one year old fart and here’s the proof .
I never wanted to be a “pretty boy , ” just a regular , kinda guy . I’ve always tried to be as objective and honest with myself and others , as possible . In fact in my twenties I would scrutinize myself , trying to see what it was , that any of the attention , I was getting , was all about .
I was always attracted to people with character , as opposed to a perfect face or body , much to the amazement of my , more critical friends . They just couldn’t understand why I was involved with any of the people I had intimate relationships with and frankly , I was glad . This meant ; less problems and entanglements with friends and lovers .
While I’m on this topic of evolution ; I find the way of technology and pollution , the loss of fresh air , clean water , food grown in laboratories ; spliced with animal D.N.A. , ect . no big surprise but rather ; mans’ choices towards a bigger , better world and our contribution , towards evolution , in the bigger picture of things . I’m not in favor of all this “great progress” but as I find myself , in the midst of it and at the effect of it ; that’s just how I look at it .
I recently read an article about the discovery of a human being , who’d been buried for centuries and for some reason , he’d been put to rest with a small vial of water . After the scientific analysis of the water , it was reported that with all our current technology ; the purity of the water in this vial could not be reproduced , today ! Even if it’s just interesting writing by some aggressive reporter , I found the basic tenet , in this article ; pretty amazing and food for thought .
Yes, we live in a world of imperfection , in that ; everything here , has a beginning and an end . Even us . Everything is on loan and one day it will all be recalled . We all know this but we don’t always like to think about it . We go to sleep every night and just expect to wake up again the next day . We live , as though , we’re gonna be here forever . It’s a rare bird that wakes up and is filled with wonder , that they’ve been given another day , in which , to be amazed and do great things . Yet , we all have this place inside us that we recognize as something permanent , something that stays the same , in a world of constant change . What is that and how much do we really know about it ? That’s the thing that fascinates me . Call it whatever you want . The words , came after the feeling and acknowledgment of it .
Cocteau made an interesting statement about the man he became , protecting the child he was and is still alive and well within him . I like that .
I often find myself studying the faces of my fellow passengers on the subway and seeing that child , from whence they came . Do you ever notice that ?

evolution ; n. a process of change in a particular direction; one of a series of prescribed movements ( as in a dance or military exercise ); the process by which something attains it’s distinctive characteristics ; a theory that existent types of plants and animals have developed from previously existing kinds.

“Ziti Love ”

admin — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 21:26:17 +0000

The other day , I was going through stuff ; cleaning up and throwing things away , when I came across this image . It was like unearthing , something from Pompeii , for me . It’s a terrible photograph , shot at the end of a roll of color film but one of my favorite pieces of graffiti art , ever .
It also , was like a touch stone ; I remembered having my first “real camera ” and strolling around New York , shooting pictures of weird things , that appealed , only to me . There used to be a local , funky , hangout called the ” Lambda Bar ” , till the Lambda fell off the front of the building , one day and it , then became ; “The
Bar . ” It was located on 2nd Ave. and 6th St. and you would go there to meet with friends and just, the regulars ; people from The Lower East Side . I think it’s the last place , I can remember , running into Peter Hujar , for instance . Well , any way ; once , I had to use the bathroom and I noticed this little piece of graffiti , so , of course , I got out my camera ( no flash ) and took this picture with the last , possible frame .
I think , it was probably scrawled on the stall by one of the neighborhood , Italian kids ; who’d found his temporary , soul mate . I wish I knew , for certain , because ; I would love to give the artist credit . I really think it’s brilliant and very funny .
Someone , even mentioned it to me one day , because they’d seen it and really liked it , too . They were one of the old timers , as well . I told them I had a photo of it , somewhere and promised to share it with them , so : here it is . You know , who you are .
The artifact from the days , when the village , was still “The Village” and everyone , knew everyone , else . A time when there were endless clubs and night spots , then the after hours places but it was all the same characters , that would show up .
If you were broke , the local bars would have Sunday specials and all you had to do , was pick up an empty beer can and carry it around , in order , to take advantage of the “free buffets. ” Rents were also , very inexpensive , especially on The Lower East Side . I knew some people who actually , lived rent free , because the landlords were too frightened , to go there , to try and collect .
Then , there was the Fillmore East , where all the psychedelic posters by Bill Graham , were just , strewn all over the ground , free for the taking . Who knew , they’d be so collectible ?
Also , The Electric Circus on St. Marks place was going full blast with the smaller space : The Dom , downstairs , underneath it , where Andy Warhols’ Plastic Fantastic Explosion debuted Lou Reed and The Velvet Plastic Underground !
If you ever want to see a glimpse of the Old , St. Marks Place , in the East Village check out the clip on Google ; Joe Dallesandro / Trash , then look for Joe Dallesandro and Andrea Feldman http://www.56.com/u64/v_MjI4Njk2Njk.html there’s a scene of Joe Dellesandro on St. Marks Place, from about 1970 . You’ll get an idea of what it was like then .
I know , I must sound like an old Austrian immigrant , reminiscing about the Danube , when it was actually blue . This would be a fairly , accurate comparison but for my nephew and some of the other , younger people , I know ; who like these kinds of tales from the “olden days ” or for me the “golden daze ,” I will indulge myself .

Here’s an early black and white Polaroid , photograph of me and Larry Happl ( the first guy I lived with , in New York ) in Central Park , from that time zone . Yes , I went everywhere dressed like that , including the biggest of night clubs ;, like Max’s Kansas City , even ! LOL !
Well , so much for nostalgia …………..

Coming Soon

admin — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 08:38:24 +0000

Well , we’re in the process of working on a new theatrical production ; TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN by Aurin Squire . It’s a rather , new approach to a the controversial topics ; Love and War !
It’s still in the early stages of casting and designing
but should prove to be a very controversial piece of theater .
I’ve also been invited to take part in an H. M. Koutoukas production slated for Valentine’s Day . I’m really not at liberty to discuss this project but Mr. Koutoukas has shown me a draft of this lastest work and it’s one of the most clever pieces I’ve read in a long time .
David Vigon (an artist and friend) and I stopped by to see Koutoukas in the Gargoyle residence , on Christopher Street , Sunday . H.M.K. was getting ready to go to some gala event but made time for us and graciously , ordered some Chinese take out to share , as well as his typical , topical banter .
New York is currently covered in snow and this tends to cast a Dickensian light on things , here . People shuffle about in black coats and hats and everything is a little , more muted except for the clubs where live music and hot drinks are being served up .
Speaking of music ; Noah Wheeler and his girl friend Amy have just cut a new record in vinyl , which promises to be great . They’ve done all the artwork and have taken great care to bring back the exciting “analog ” sound , that the recent digital craze has been so remiss in over looking .
Then , there’s another musician : Danny Sher , who’s living in my section of Brooklyn , with his charming , new girl friend . I was very happy to be invited to their new place , last week and spend an interesting evening of good food , drinks and catching up on all the news of our mutual friends . Danny is a natural performer and comic but his talent , in his approach to music is unequaled .
Most of my time , as usual , has been spent immersed in visuals . I’m working on several projects and will post the results , as soon as possible . This leads me to my fascination with a new site : FLICKR
where other image oriented minds tend to meet . You can tap into my photo stream here : http://www.flickr.com/photos/bruce_eyster/
My friend Ross Lewis , convinced me to post there and it has lead to some interesting exchanges and contacts . It is not just another photographic site but covers a whole range of visual art work . If you like images and the visual arts , I strongly suggest you check it out . I was reluctant to take part in yet , another site but knowing Ross , who is a fine art photographer and has a keen eye for new and interesting projects , convinced me to take advantage of the free accounts , Flickr offers and I’m very happy
I did . As a result , I’ve met several people and got lots of feed back about my images . I even ran into several friends that have already posted there .
Well, the time has come to get close for now , thanks for indulging me , stay tuned for more later …………

In Memeory Of

admin — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 00:39:46 +0000

As I sit here in my Brooklyn apartment the snow has settled but the wind’s picked up and I can hear it , whistling .
My cat ; Bijoux , is curled up by a radiator , watching as I clack away on my key board . She watches me and seems to be waiting for me to get off line , play with her and or feed her , some wet food . I will , soon .
As I open various e-mails and think over the new and old year , I feel happy about the friends I have and can’t help but miss some of the people that are no longer here .

I was just notified that Tom O’Horgan has passed away . I think of the funny Off Off Broadway pieces and HAIR that he was so much a part of .
Then , after getting a Birthday card returned . I was notified that an old friend Rudie Berkhout , who’d moved upstate , had passed
away .

I remember so many , odd , little places and times we shared , together .
I always feel a little guilty about missing people . I know , most of the feeling of loss , are centered around my own , selfishness of the enjoyment and memories I’ve shared with the people who are no longer here and that they are now free of all the daily , problems we all have to face each day . Still , the mind tries to comprehend that old slight of hand : ” now you see it , now you don’t ,” trick played on us by time .
It is also a reminder of how precious our time is and that everything here is on loan and at some point will have to be given back . At some point either I won’t be here to enjoy and appreciate everything or the things I enjoy and appreciate won’t be here .
One thing you learn living in New York , is that nothing is permanent .
I don’t live in the past but I do have a very good memory .

The Promise

admin — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 07:24:06 +0000

I’ll never be a secretary . I’ve never taken typing but I was thinking about this new month , in this new year , in a new millennium and how we like to make resolutions and it reminded me of a program , at which , Maharaji or Prem Rawat , as he is also known , spoke about : “The Promise” and I felt obligated to transcribe it and share it with you . Believe me , it’s much better to hear in person . I consider Maharaji to be my teacher and I find him endlessly inspiring . He always brings me back to a very , simple place and he always reminds me of what I already know but tend to overlook in my day to day activities . Here is his message and it is a simple message from one heart to another and I hope that is how you perceive it , too.

With Love and Blessings ,
Bruce

Maharaji as Prem Rawat is widely known speaks to people around the world about the possibility of finding inner peace and contentment . He started addressing audiences when he was only three years old . At the age of thirteen he was invited to address audiences in London and Los Angeles . Since then he has presented his message to over six and a half million people in more than fifty countries . Speaking at the United Nations Conference Center In Bangkok , Thailand , he recently said : ” The Peace that we are looking for is already in the heart it needs to be felt and I can help you get in touch with it .” Maharji’s message is more than words . People who listen to him express finding profound inspiration , a fresh perspective on life and peace within themselves .

************************************************************************

Someday I will have peace in this life .
Someday I will have tranquility in my life .
Someday I will have happiness in this life .
That is the promise that we made to ourselves , that one day , one day , I will have peace in my life .
This is not a prayer , this was a promise .
Today we have an opportunity to to listen to a very simple but profound message .
A message that is so different , because it has something to do with us .
Not about us .
Not what we could accomplish.
Not what Mountain we could climb.
Not what we could do.
But the message has to do with what we have been given.
And , Yes , given.
And I know , That if you say that to someone , the first question is :
” Who gave it to me ? Why do I have it ? How did I get it ? ”
And the analogy would be : If you can imagine ;
You’re in a beautiful Park , beautiful lawn , beautiful trees , beautiful flowers , you’re sitting there and all of a sudden ,
from nowhere , a little boy , comes over to where you are and in his giggling little way , with a smile , with a laugh ,
he hands you a flower .
What will you do ?
We could make this into a little story :
that he goes to one group of people , hands them a flower
and their first question is : “Where are your parents ? Are You Lost ? ”
Or , he goes to another group of people and there’s somebody who says : ” Oh , is that for me ? ”
Or he goes to another group of people and there , some body says : ” Oh a nice flower .” and that’s it .
Or he goes to another group of people : ” What’s your name little boy ? How old are you ?
Where do you live ? What are you doing here ? What school do you go to ? ”
What would you ask ?
In those different groups of people , which one would you be ?
The cautious one ?
Alert ; ” Where are your parents ? ”
And there’s logic behind it . There is reasoning .
You can say : ” well , you know , what if he is lost ? I’m just doing him a favor .”
There are moments in this life , when you are forced to understand something .
It’s not by your choice . You didn’t ask for it .
You weren’t looking for it . You weren’t searching for it .
You didn’t want it . You’d never heard about it before .
Some how , a situation has presented itself , which is forcing you to acknowledge something .
Now , some people call that situation bad ; terrible .
And some people call that situation : here is an opportunity for me to learn something .
Because I will tell you who I want to be , me . Who I want to be , in that garden.
I will tell you who I want to be .
I don’t want to ask the child’s ‘ age .
And with that laughter , with that innocent laughter , that innocent smile ; that he is offering me that flower,
I want to extend my hand and with the same laughter , same innocence , same smile :
I want to accept it , no words exchanged .
I don’t even want to say : ” Is this for me ?”
That’s who I want to be . Not that’s how I see myself but that’s who I want to be .
Because this incredible power , every day , every moment , with incredible innocence and incredible joy ,
with an incredible smile , is handing me a flower of breath and I am in that garden
and I am sitting in that garden and I know that I have a logical mind and I would go , depends on my mood ;
I could go : ” where are your parents ? , Who are you ?
Why are you giving me this flower ? Where did this come from ? ”
It’s easy but in my heart , I know .
In my simplicity , I know that I want to accept that flower ,
I want to accept that breath . I want to accept every gift that I am being given .
It hasn’t stopped yet ; gifts are still rolling and for me to appreciate these gifts , that I am being given ;
I have to have the simplicity of that little boy .
I have to have the smile of that little boy .
I need to carry the laughter of that little boy .
That comes to me with every breath , to present me with this incredible gift of life .
This incredible gift of breath . This incredible gift of consciousness .
This incredible gift of understanding . This incredible gift of existence that keeps unfolding and unfolding and unfolding and unfolding and unfolding .
That : who I am , that is what each one of us here , is all about .
Everything is there ; breath is there .
Your body has been made .
Think about that .
Earth has been created .
Sun has been created .
Oceans have been created .
Woods have been created .
Your body has been created .
The breath comes and goes and comes and goes
and your life is being unfolding and unfolding for a very long time .
What’s left ? What is left ?
The flower has been made . The child who picks the flower has been made .
The child has already picked the flower .
You have been made you are already at the garden and the flower has been extended to you .
Now the only thing remaining , is the acceptance .
To complete the most wonderful cycle of this life .
I have filled myself with many things and what is lacking , is the ultimate gratitude .
I have felt many feelings and the only one lacking is peace .
The peace .
I have taken many journeys and the only journey remaining is home , home ; away from doubt .
Without everything , we have learned how to doubt , so well .
We question and we question and we question and we question whether or not we get the answer , we keep questioning.
Question, question , question , question .
What’s left , is THE answer .
That’s what’s left . THE acceptance that’s what’s left . THE understanding , that’s what’s left .
That journey home , to within .
Where I’m not pestered by the doubts . Where I’m not pestered by the confusion .
Where there is a simplicity . Where there is an enjoyment of this existence .
THIS existence .
This means everything to you : YOUR EXISTENCE , your life .
You ; the way you are .
It’s unique ; the way you are ; the way you think ; the way you admire , the way you doubt , the way you question .
It’s unique .
No two are alike and in your uniqueness you still have that offer of accepting , because ; your accepting of this life will be just as unique .
How unique? As unique as the snowflake ; no two are ever alike .
YOU appreciating this life will be as unique as the snowflake .
Don’t you realize that this life has come , it’ll go , it’s quick , it’s quick .
A batting of an eye and the universe changes .
Nothing stays the same .
It changes .
The earth is moving ; going around and around , orbiting plus wobbling .
The universe is not in the same position , it’s expanding and it’s expanding and it’s expanding and there are stars that are dying and there are bits and pieces of dust coming together , whirling around getting , maybe , ready to come up with another planet .
That there are all these asteroids running around all this debris running around colliding with something .
Birth is happening , death is happening .
Coming is happening , going is happening .
All is in motion .
Changes are every where .
Change , change , change , change .
In your body , it is changing , everyday it is changing , it is changing , it is changing and some how you have made it your mission in this life to stay the same ; ” I don’t want anything to change . God give me a perfect day and keep repeating it . One good day and just make everything else Exactly the same. No ! Motion ! ”
How many times have you heard yourself say: ” and I was sitting there very still ” and I say to you :You weren’t .
Something was moving , something you don’t even know about was moving ; coming .
The force of life was coming into you and going and coming back and going and coming back ; pulsing through your existence .
You want to be still and the most still , won’t have you sitting still.
The stillness moves and that’s all the still you can be .
And I am of course talking about this breath .
Even when no part of your body is moving and your sitting there .
There is this breath that is coming and going , in it’s magnificence , in it’s stillness , in it’s beauty , in it’s simplicity and your life is afoot , is afoot , it’s moving and it’s changing and it’s moving and it’s changing and it’s moving .
Question is : which way are you headed ?
Where are you going ?
Going home ?
Or further and further and further away from that home ?
Have you got the answers ?
Or only more questions ?
You see there is no message in this world that challenges that .
There are many messages in this world that say : it’s good to question but even that message doesn’t say it’s good to receive answers , too .
That is left up to you .
So, what is this life worth ?
What is this moment worth ?
Everything ?
Or nothing ?
The person who does not know ; what gold looks like .
The person who has no recognition of the gold could be walking by that gold everyday to work and not recognize it .
The person who does not know how to look at that beautiful diamond , could be walking by it everyday and going : “God , Bless me , so I may be rich . ”
For us , for us when the thirst has been provided , within ourselves .
The thirst !
Somebody asked me this question: ” What is thirst ? ” and you know what I said ?
“If you are not thirsty I can’t explain it to you .”
How can I ?
How do I explain to somebody ; what is thirst ?
If you don’t feel it , what can I say ?
What can I say ?
Because, if that thirst is not recognized in our lives , if that thirst is not understood in our lives and we come and we are given everything and there is no recognition of anything then I will tell you what : this life means nothing BUT , but if we understand , if we understand that this is a chance , to be fulfilled .
If we understand that this is the chance to feel that tranquility , to feel that peace .
If we understand that this is the chance to be content .
If we understand that this is the chance , this is the chance to understand the value of each breath .
That this is the chance to understand the value of each moment .
Then guess what .
This life means everything .
Everything ! Everything, everything ; nothing left out , nothing thrown away .
Everything , and then I begin to judge my days with , good and bad .
It’s the wrong thing to weigh a day by .
It’s the wrong thing to weigh this life with ; the wrong scale .
The only way , the only way to look at this is , that , this is priceless .
Priceless !
When I can begin to not look at this existence in fear , that ; I except today and I except today , because I accept it as a gift . I understand , that ; I have to understand .
I cannot go around in my life : question , question , question , question .
I understand , that I have to understand .
That I know one answer , that says ; get the answer .
That is the answer to all the questions and if you want to get the answer , the good news is ; you don’t have to look very far . If you want the answer in your life the good news is you don’t have to look very far !
This is about understanding , not believing .
This is about understanding , this is about knowing : too know .
To know the meaning of this life .
To know the value of this breath .
To know !
Of course , people have the next question : ” What’ll that do for me ? ”
Answer : nothing and everything , depends .
Depends : nothing , if you never recognize your own thirst ; what does it mean?
What does it mean ?
Nothing ! But , if you recognize your thirst , it means everything .
That is how simple it is .
People learn , about history .
You see ; people go , they dig and many times they dig a pot ; a clay pot , broken in pieces and they take the clay pot and they piece it together , little bits and pieces missing , but they piece it together and they put it in a museum and they put a sign underneath it and the sign says , you know, this is from so many years B.C. and it was by this civilization and look at the beautiful markings on this and isn’t it nice and there was a real civilization at that time , because they were making these pots .
Now , I ask you : Why was the pot made , back then ?
Very simple ; it was meant to contain something .
That’s why it was made .
Somebody made it , took the clay , made it and said : “Oh , you know it looks pretty plain , let me put a little painting on it ” and he painted it but the painting was not it’s main purpose , the artist didn’t say : ” You know what ? Let’s be modern , instead of using canvas , let’s use clay pots and we will make paintings on those .
” No, people had a need to be able to put rice or wheat or water or oil and somebody would sell it on the side of the street ; ” Here buy this .”
And nobody came to this guy and said : ” You know that is incredible art . ”
No, probably the guy said : ” How much are you selling for? “and he said , you know , ten , whatever .
” Eh, that’s too much , cheaper ! ”
Or maybe , it was even : ” How many glasses of milk do you have ?
I will trade you for milk .
I will trade you for the beads or I will trade you for the gold or I will trade you for wheat and the man , probably came along , or somebody came along and said : ” Oh , O.K. I can put my wheat in this my other one is getting old .
I can put my wheat in this .” And this is why it was made .
The man took it home or woman brought it home , whatever and put the wheat in it and put it there and :” doesn’t it look nice ? ”
And then civilizations gone , buried somewhere , the pot stayed , broken , somebody found it : old pot .
Nothing wrong with putting it in a museum but it’s not doing it’s job ; what it was made for .
So, no problem , you can put it in a museum , you can take pictures of it , you can do anything with it you want but the day the man took the clay and kneaded it and turned this pot , made this into a pot , that was only for one reason .
Why am I giving you this analogy ?
Because , that’s the same thing with you .
You’ve been made for something and you can do anything else , you want with it .
You can go climb mountains with it , yes , you can .
You can go to the bottom of the ocean, yes , you can .
You can go to Mars with it , yes , you can .
You can go to the moon with it , yes , you can .
You can go into a very deep cave , yes, you can .
BUT , what was this vessel made for ?
What is befitting , that belongs in this vessel ?
Then , let me tell you .
Since I ask the question , I will tell you .
Peace ; that would look very nice in this vessel .
Peace would be incredible .
Tranquility ; superb .
Gratitude: outstanding .
Watching people playing tennis , they’re ready , they’re focused and here comes that ball : Queue , wow !
You know , that took years and years and years of practice , to be able to do that .
‘Cause , I mean , for me , if somebody served me a ball that fast , I would probably just stand there and go : ( looks around . ) The other day I was playing tennis and somebody hit me a really fast ball and I said : ” Oh, there’s a hole in my tennis racquet .”
‘ Cause , I went like this and I didn’t hit the ball and it was amazing because this person probably worked on it and worked on it and they hit the ball and immediately the other person concentrated and here comes the ball and BOOM , they hit it and they go to, to , to , to and then one person misses and it’s like , Phew ; disappointment .
I started thinking about this , here are two people playing and they both can’t win .
One has to lose . Has to ! It could be a tie…… that’s no good . One has to lose , so one may win .
And you work and you work and you work so you can have a good name and you become famous , you can play tennis , WOW , you’re a champion , incredible and I just imagine this person getting ready to hit the ball and it’s like ; ready zeroed in on that ball and I said to myself : ” If that person could only be that focused inside , then , they would never have to lose , ever . ”
Because , when that focus can be turned inside there is no losing .
This is not about creating success , this is about discovering success .
Because success is here and how has it manifested ?
Well guess what , it has manifested as YOU ; success has and when all this diversion , diversion !
Because we find the diversion very appealing .
Everything becomes a diversion ; ” Well not right now . I have young children . I can’t really focus on this right now . I will do this when I am a little older .”
You wanna hear the story about a little older ?
I’ve got a story to tell you about ” The Little Older .”
Once there was this child and this child wanted to be older , really .
You know how that is ?
You ask little kids : how old are you ? ” Almost ten , almost ten ; rounding up .
I mean the severe rounding up ; the child might be three ; “Almost ten .”
Because , because ; they want to do something .
They don’t know what ; they want to do something and they know , that , maybe they can’t do it now , maybe when they get older they will be able to do it , so ; “almost ten.”
Then when that child got to be ten ; ” almost sixteen.”
Our society is set up this way ; “almost sixteen.
Almost sixteen .
When they got to be sixteen ; ” Almost eighteen ” and they got to be eighteen ; “Almost twenty one .”
When they got to be twenty one ; ” Almost twenty five .”
When they got to be twenty five : “Almost twenty four.”
It’s amazing how that works .
Almost thirty , almost thirty five , almost forty , almost forty five , almost fifty , almost fifty five , almost sixty and then the sixty year old looks at the little child and they like what they see and let me tell you , it’s not the little child .
Because the sixty year old and the little child both have something in common .
And you know what it is ?
It’s that same thing ; that little child wanted to do , that the sixty year old wants to do : to be fulfilled .
That is the promise that we made to ourselves ; that one day , one day , I will have peace in my life .
This is not a prayer , this was a promise .
Prayer is different : I want it , I’m asking somebody , if that somebody doesn’t give it to me , ahhh what can I do ?
But this was a promise we made to ourselves : Some day I will have peace in this life , some day I will have tranquility in this life , someday I will have happiness in this life .
And the ten year old thought , that when he would be sixteen , maybe he would be able to do it .
When he became sixteen , he thought , maybe eighteen , I’d be able to do it .
Eighteen to twenty one , to twenty five , to thirty , to thirty five , forty , forty five , fifty , fifty five , sixty , sixty five , seventy years have rolled by : Promise remains unfulfilled .
Some thing , some thing , that caused the promise to be made , is still waiting for the promise to be fulfilled .
Some thing that the promise was made TO , promised To , is still waiting for the promise to be fulfilled and not a day goes by , not a SINGLE day goes by where the pang , where the pain , where the want , where the thirst , where the wish to be happy , doesn’t knock , knock .
Open up .
Fulfill , fulfill this life , fulfill this time , fulfill this destiny , fulfill this chance and that is why we’re here , that’s what it’s all about , is to fulfill that promise .
That’s that is why we’re here .
Do it .
Do it .
Fulfill it .
It’s your obligation .
It’s your responsibility .
‘Cause there’s that heart .
And I know and I have seen it again and again and again .
It doesn’t matter how old you get or how young you are ; unless that promise has been fulfilled , it doesn’t matter how content you get , on the outside , the contentment on the inside will not be there .
This is not about pushing buttons and this is not about ringing bells , this is not about chanting some chant .
This is about drinking from the fountain of life , till the thirst is quenched .
That’s the promise .
This is not about hanging a picture on the wall with a glass of water and saying : “That’s what I promised .”
No , that was not the promise .
This is not about going some where and saying ;” Well I went to this place and there was water , water everywhere and so it is done .”
No , this is about drinking , DRINKING and drinking of that water till the thirst Is quenched .
Very important .
Very , very important .
Not just holding a glass of water in your hand , that’s not what it’s about .
Not having been close to water , that’s not what it’s about .
This is what I talk about , because , that’s how it should be : that each human being on the face of this earth , gets to quench that thirst .
I like , when I see peace , in this vessel .
It looks beautiful .
How beautiful does it look ?
Well , you may not agree with me but it looks more beautiful than the most beautiful sunset .
It looks more beautiful than the most beautiful sunrise .
It looks more beautiful than the most beautiful moon , shinning above .
Nature is incredibly beautiful but more beautiful is peace in this vessel .
It looks beautiful , it looks amazing .
The beauty becomes amazing .
That is beautiful .
Then there isn’t the dust of questions , it’s gone .
It’s washed away .
It isn’t the dust of doubts , it’s washed away and there shines clarity and joy and that innocent smile and that innocent laughter that should dance on the lips of every human being .
It’s befitting .
Tell me have you not seen innocence dance on lips of a child ?
I have and it looks beautiful and the child within me , always be the child , always will be a child , and child not because it hasn’t grown , child because of it’s attributes , of innocence , of simplicity , of that softness not that harshness that this world has created on itself .
What a contrast , what a contrast .
You go walking around an airport and everybody’s looking at you , suspicious .
Who are you ?
What are you doing here ?
You gotta wear your I.D. card , your badge ; ” That’s me , I’m O.K. ”
Where do we go from here ?
What’s gonna be next ?
You watch news ; Ah, this terrible disaster , that terrible disaster .
Disasters!
Terrible , terrible , terrible , terrible , terrible terrible !
And inside ?
Innocence ?
Peace ?
Tranquility ?
Joy ?
Really ?
Sounds hard to believe but it is .
Always has been , always will be .
You’ve come here to listen , you’re going to think about it , I’m sure .
Questions : ” How do we get to the peace inside ?”
My answer to that question will be : ” Do you have the thirst ?”
” What Thirst ? ”
No , Thirst? You’re not going inside .
Isn’t it amazing ?
When I am not thirsty : every night by my bedside , there is a bottle of water .
You know what’s amazing ?
Some mornings you get up and it hasn’t been touched .
Some mornings i get up and it’s empty .
What happened ?
I’ll tell you what happened ; the night I was thirsty , I drank of that water and when I wasn’t ; I didn’t even care if it was there or not .
First thing of what I am talking about , will begin to make sense if you can feel the thirst in your life , if you remember the promise .
Now don’t scratch too hard ….; ” Promise ? I never made a promise . I don’t remember making a promise . ”
Think , think way , way back , way , way back to that little kid ; who loved happiness with all his or her might .
Remember?
Remember that kid ?
That kid that could hardly go to sleep , ’cause next day was Christmas .
Remember that kid that couldn’t wait for the day to begin?
That even the littlest crack of light , coming into the room , was enough to go : “AHhh , it’s here .”
If you can remember anybody like that , it’s most likely you and if it’s you , you then made that promise .
Maybe not in words : ” I PROMISE SO AND SO ” no , this promise is not made in words , this promise is made in feeling. This promise is made in feeling .
I see so many times , little kids going to school for the first time and they’re crying ; they don’t wanna be away from home . HOME and there is a home within .
Then , yes , you have made that promise and now it is your turn to fulfill it .
People ask questions , Fine but get the answers , too.
It’s simple , it’s profound .
And if you don’t find a box to put this message in , don’t and if you have found the box then please open the box , take it out . Because if it causes you to think ; O.K. , good .
If it causes you to look ; good . If it causes you to think about peace ; GOOD .
We’re not there , we’re getting there .
If it reminds you that this day is special , that every day is special ; good , GOOD !
Try to be as clear as you can be in your life , whatever you can do to be in that joy , do , and when nothing of that works , I’m here .
Somewhere around the world but I’m here , talking to people about this .
Talking to people about this possibility .
It’s all it is , is a possibility .
‘Cause if you don’t see it , it’s nothing .
If you see it and recognize it ; it’s EVERYTHING !
So , I’m talking about everything and nothing .
‘ Cause somebody may come here and go : “I don’t know what he said . I have No Idea , What he said .”
O.K . and you know somebody says ” I’ve never heard anybody speak like that .”
Good!
Both is O.K .
This is not a lecture .
This is not something that I wrote .
This comes from my heart to your heart and it’s as simple as that .
That’s the message .
That’s what it’s all about .
Recognize , understand .
Thank You Very Much For Coming , Good Night .

Winding Down and Gearing Up

admin — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 05:21:41 +0000

Here we are between the madness of Christmas and New Years’ Eve .

In between getting things ready for the fund raiser : HAPPY NEW YEAR LADY LOU ” by David Gaard , several doctor appointments and all the other little obligations we all have to meet . I’ve been a bit lax about posting .

I did get to spend Christmas Eve with an old friend and fellow artist : David Vigon . We had a great time mulling over all the current events , our various artistic projects , hopes , dreams and were able to compare notes on our understanding of life and all the beauty and amazing experiences , this time we share , affords us .

I was invited to an amazing Christmas dinner by another friend : Christopher Galas and his life partner . They had planned and set up an amazing feast at The Unitarian , that was really quiet an event , complete with a visit from Santa ! It really was a lovely evening and a great chance to share food and a special evening with friends and new a whole new set of interesting people .

” HAPPY NEW YEAR LADY LOU ,” was a special theatrical event that I was happy to be a part of , too . It was presented as a preview /fund raiser and succeeded , beautifully , thanks to a lot of the promotional and artistic , skilled work of a great many people ; Michael Arian , Dolores Kenan , Tracey Rosten , Phyliss Rossi , Ken Schwartz , Christian Amaraut , Michael Biscardi, Reggie Buckingham, Sue Glausen , Steven Taylor O’Conner , Rob Rosiello , Michael Tyrell , Nicholas Westmeyer , Pamela Gittlitz, Erich Loetterle , Michele Risch , David Gaard , Sandy Kaplan , Martin Shapiro , Jeffery Lehman , Shane Bujowski , myself , Michael Griffith and the staff of the Archlight Theater , as well as ; Dean Stallone and the Staff of PMG Promotions .

What ? What of all the backstage , Machavellian gossip and cut throat techniques of aging , would be Devas , young wannabes and all the sex , drugs and booze ; you asked ? Well , it was a Holiday preview and fortunately , all of that was cleverly , written into the script and beautifully executed in front of the curtain . LOL !